I have wanted to write about my journey about becoming a father and raising a child ever since my son was born 7 months ago. It is crazy to think of the challenges that are thrown at you as a new parent, which you never imagined having to deal with before. I now understand that responsibility in new unthinkable ways. So I am going to be writing about my journey as a father and role model as I try to guide this little one along a respectable path. However, it dawned on me that before I write about myself I have to throw some props to, not only my mother for raising me as a single mother, but also the countless single mothers in the trenches parenting their butts off. In the words of Aretha….R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

As a new father I am constantly confronted with my inadequacies as a human being when it comes to being responsible for another human life. I don’t think anyone is ever fully prepared for what it means to become a parent. From the late nights, to dirty diapers, flu shots, vaccines etc., every aspect about being a parent challenges your comfort zone.

*True story* a week after my son was born we rushed him to the doctor because he hadn’t pooped in 5 days. Of course he was perfectly fine but hey those are the kinds of things you worry about as a new parent.  Is he pooping enough?!

I am the first to admit that I am blessed and I am thankful for my blessings everyday. I have always wanted a son, a legacy to carry on my name and that was the gift that I received. My son is blessed to have two parents present at every stage of his development, a truly a priceless gift.  Not everyone is so fortunate, for whatever reason. More often than not that responsibility is born on the mother alone.

Firstly, I would like to thank my wife for everything she has done to provide me with the gift of our son. Her strength and determination through the process of childbirth is a marvel unto itself and for that I am forever grateful. As every day passes that I watch my son grow and develop, I can not help but to reflect on my own upbringing and how I was raised. I watch as two parents, my wife and I, lean on one another as we muddle our way through this process of first time parents. And as each day goes by I am whole heartedly amazed at what amazing creatures women are as a species and a spiritual being. More importantly I respect the deity that is the single mother for all that she is, that my own mother was.


I want to start off by stating I was raised by one of the greatest single mothers that God ever put on the green earth. I want to state foremost that I personally never felt inadequate by being raised by a single mother and although we may not have been financially wealthy I was endowed with a wealth of unconditional love. As one of three children I always knew that being a single mother was a struggle, and there were times I watched my mother sacrifice so that her children could be better off. She doesn’t like me to talk about this, but some nights she would not eat to make sure we had enough food. As an adult I understand the challenges that she faced as a single mother and would like to recognize her struggle.


For the record I was not an easy child. In fact I was down right difficult. I faced my own struggles and battled my own demons, metaphorically speaking. And as a young boy raised in a house full of women I did feel alone, and neglected due to the absence of my own father in my life. It is not an easy thing to admit, but those are the real emotions that can plague a son being raised by a single mother. But no matter what inner turmoil I faced, I can affirm that I always felt loved, maybe misunderstood by loved none the less. I digress, because this post is not about my personal upbringings per se. It is an opportunity to acknowledge the countless women that go unnoticed on a daily basis, especially the women trying to raise a Man in this harsh world.

The single parent family is a norm for many in this modern era. According to the 2016 U.S. Census Bureau, 69% (73.9 million) of children in the U.S. are raised in a two parent household. Conversely, 23% (12 million) of children living in the U.S. are being raised by a single mother, nearly a 4X increase in the 1960s (8%). Approximately 4 out of 10 children were born to unwed mothers with two thirds of those women under the age of 30. Today, 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 are being raised without a father, with 40% of those kids living below the poverty line. In the workplace, a single mother on average earns 79 cents for every $1 a man earns. Women of color earn even less (African American 64 cents & Hispanic 56 cents for ever $1 a man earns). An obvious disparity exists between two parent households (with a median household income of $84K) vs. single mothers (with a median household income of $34K). This data confirms that single mother’s have to do more with less, with one third of single mothers receiving child support. Furthermore, 36.5% of single mothers live in extreme poverty, with women of color facing even dire statistics. This systemic inequality translates to decreased access to healthcare, education and childcare. In short it’s hard being a single mother while trying to raise a productive member of society.

Those are the statistics. I am not here to post the battle cry for single mothers. However I do think that they deserve our respect, dedication and reflection. Gone are the days when we adopted the “it takes a village” approach to child rearing. We as a society are guilty of forsaking our fellow man or in this case woman in their time of need. Most importantly, the men of the future need strong role models. It is one thing to be a father and it is another to be a role model.  I will admit I was blessed with a strong network of male role models in my own life that helped to steer me from a more insidious path. They encompassed all areas of my life including church, school, family and friends. We need these role models even more today, where men a constantly ravaged by society where their lives can change in the blink of an eye. So I say be the change you wish to see in the world. You have no idea what positive effect a conversation can have on the next generation.

I am willing to admit that without those strong male role models in my life my circumstances may have turned out to be very different. There is a real possibility I could have ended up in jail, dead or worse. Instead you have a PhD educated cancer research scientist, with a family of his own and a son to lead. #Blessed

All mothers make a sacrifice to bring life into this world. Single mothers are a special breed that deserves our love, respect and support. There is nothing wrong with us acknowledging their journey. So if a single mother raised you make sure she understands that you appreciate the sacrifices she has made to bring you where you are in this world. Furthermore, we all know single mothers out there trying to do it on their own. I challenge the real men out there to be that role model that may save a life.

Why? Giving Gendry to Melisandre